Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Olivian's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
5:56 pm	Fuck I can't let this kill me Cut the skin to the bone Fall asleep all alone Hear your voice in the dark Lose myself in your eyes Choke my voice Say goodnight as the world falls apart Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go I need some more time to fix this Here's a letter for you But the words get confused And the conversation dies Apologize for the past Talk some shit take it back Are we cursed to this life Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go I need some more time to fix this problem I need some more time to fix this problem I need some more time to fix this I'm talking to the ceiling My life just lost all meaning Do one thing for me tonight I'm dying in this silence The last star left in heaven Is falling down to earth and Do you still feel the same way Do you still feel the same way Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go I need some more time to fix this problem I need some more time to fix this problem I need some more time to fix this -Here's Your Letter, Blink182 The last couple days have been rather bitchy. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Friday, September 23rd, 2005
9:22 pm	Update Hell, I figure it's time for an update. Tonight I went to Cry_Wolf with Kevin, Austin, Norman, Andy, and that other kid in my APCS class. Cry_wolf was awesome. I'm pushing myself to the brink and I love it, I've accomplished more in the past couple weeks than I ever thought I could. I've done things I didn't think I ever would do, and so far I have no regrets about anything I've done since school started, which should answer any questions about debate. I did not quit debate so I could rejoin it, that should be realized. I speak only for myself. Heute ist Fritag, and I had the day off. Life could always get better, the entire thing with Kristen totally blindsided me. Thanks guys, any comments would be appreciated. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
7:02 pm	Aparently Apparently my journal cannot remain my journal. The fact that certain people have resorted to mud throwing of this level blows my mind. At any rate, certain posts in this journal have been made private, other friends only, I find it pathetic that this level of security has to be maintained. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 4th, 2005
8:54 pm	Elitches Holy Shit - Fun! Mark down the Day September 03 one of the best damn days in history! Elitches was sweet, first we got there and ate some lunch, bought a sovenier cup so we could get the refills and such, then went on the first ride of the day - Sidewinder, God-Damnit, if you are ever stressed out, Six Flags is the place to go. Seriously, after the first coaster I was just great, never better, we then proceeded to go on every Coaster in the park - most of them at least two or three times. At 5ish we decided to goto the water park, and we went on this red slide over and over and over - it got repetitive, but it was fun :). We then decided to go on the Mind Eraser again, and then we were planning on going on the Xlr8er (The bungie thing that cost money), so we walked around for a bit because they closed the rides due to wind, Quinn felt a little quesy so he started to back out, then we got some dinner and he decided that he felt great and wanted to go - so naturally we did. So we go up, I'm in the Middle, Quinn's on my right (With the cord to let us go), and Ashley (Quinn's GF) is on my left. On the way up, I expected Ashley to freak up - she didn't though, she started breathing a little heavy but for the most part she stayed together surprisingly well. Going up, on your belly with nothing but a quater inch of material between you and six hundred plus feet of air is...unique, the suspension just about kills you, and then the loud speaker sounds, "Three....Two....One....Ok Pull" and Quinn says "Ok guys I'm pulli-" And we fall (Quinn would later say the cord was too light). The first quater of a second - man, there are no words for it. Pure thrill... Everything flashes and you realize you are free falling. Your feet are in your stomach....your stomach is in your head...and your head is floating. You fall, and then everything is glorious, the sight is beautiful, I would do it again just to see everything while I am flying - :). Then just that quickly it was over. But it was awesome. So naturally Quinn, Ashley, and I decide while Gorely is with his family on the ride, we'll go on the Tower of Doom - Alright! That was pretty exciting, also a great view. Then that was over. We met up with Gorely (Who if I haven't mentioned was my riding buddy on nearly every Ride) and went on the Side-Winder again, there we met this Scottish guy who seemed very cool, so we hung out with him for a while, he told us about how he went on the new Pay-To-Ride thing, the little bungie ball that goes from 0 Feet, to 600 in 2 seconds, I can't imagine what that must be like! I'll have to try it sometime. At any rate, after the ride was over we hung out with the guy in the line to the Boomerang, his little kid was so depressed and scared, we tried to calm him, but being a little kid he'd had all the bravery he could for a day and decided not to ride. I found out that the Scottish guy had fenced in highschool, and he knew the name Janusz Peciak (My Coach, somewhat famous), it was pretty sweet. The boomrang was fun but the guy had to go because of his kid. We all then decided that we needed to cool off so we went to the huge swings, the girl in front of us had her shoe fall off on the ride, so Gorely started laughing and she took it the wrong way. She got angry with us and told her parents (Who happened to be with two big mexician guys -_-) And we got in line for another ride, the girl and her family followed us and started yelling at Gorely and one called Ashley "A stupid white girl" or something of that such - that got me started and I got angry, we got on the ride and decided that when it was over, we all had to make a run for it. So the second we grabbed the bags it was..."Walk...walk...walk...RUN!" We got away, and decided that since there was no line on the Mind Eraser we'd all do that a few times - we did it some five times in a row, the third time for the picture shot (Which was broken -_-) Gorely said, "Stephen instead of a pose for the picture, why don't we spit?" So naturally - we did. Uh, Ashley, Quinn. - I'm sorry. So we spit and it didn't go at all like I planned, it went over the right side of our face (And on Quinn and Ashley I guess) and I'm yelling, "Damnit Gorely >_<, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea." It was fun, Quinn and Ashley got off, Gorely and I went again. Afterwards we go on the batman ride, and the park is just about to close so Quinn and Ashley go to the gates while Gorely and I wait in line for the Tower of Doom again, we go, and then Gorely goes to shoot the cork-gun, he misses twice so I show him how to do (Penthalon = Partially shooting, and the targets are only like a meter away rather than the ten meters in the Penthalon), so I shoot the ball off the first shot. Gorely misses again, and chooses to get a Bull-Dog stuffed animal, I ask if I can give it to Tarayn for her birthday and he replies in the negative. It's 10:20 and the park has been closing now for twenty minutes, so Gorely and I run to the exit, we get yelled at a bit, but it's all good. Some other notes, I am so jealouse of Ashley and Quinn's relationship, it's crazy. I was talking to Gorely about taking a girl to homecoming, but her sister won't let me and he said, "Hey man, look at it this way - why should you care what he sister thinks?" In which case I had to reply that she was my friend so it's the loyality type thing, I wouldn't want her doing it to me, so why in the world am I justified in doing it to her? He agreed, so I asked Quinn (And Ashley, as she was there too) about it, and they said, "Hey, at least you are trustworthy, tell her that it's better you than some random guy." I couldn't find a rebuddle to that, so maybe I'll bring it up. Ultimately the power is in her hands though. I have rarely been as hyper as I was - even Gorely noticed and was like "Stephen, you're glowing." I wish I could do that everynight - for that one day, that one spot in time, everything was wonderful, nothing could go wrong. It was everything one could want - a flash of greatness in the world of an average guy. Current Mood: Glorious (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 27th, 2005
10:14 pm	Loyality Loyality is the most important factor in human relations - it soars above humor, looks, and social status. It defines who you are. When one makes a conscience choice to commit an action in the interest of self-happiness, with the knowledge that the action is going to hurt someone they (claim) to care about, or be friends with, than this is an example of abridging loyality. In this case you are no longer a friend of that person, and your act is in every way unforgivable. Another example of loyality is talking behind someone's back - or worse, letting others degrade someone you (claim to) have relations with in your presence. There is no except to the first example, and very few to the second. Any rational person would rather have a loyal friend that a funny, or popular friend. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
1:21 pm	Why? Why do people think out of their asses? (Comment on this)
12:41 pm	What is your name?: Stephen David Andrews Named after anyone?: Middle name is my dads name What's your screename?: Zhencina Would you name a child of yours after you?: Absolutly If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Olivian If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: N/A Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Stefan and Steven Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: No Basics Your gender:: Male Straight/Gay/Bi:: Straight Single?: No If not, do you want to be?: No Birthdate:: 02/25/90 Your age:: 15 Age you act:: 15 or 18 or 8 Age you wish you were:: 21 (Or for some people 16) Your height:: 6’3” Eye color:: Aqua Happy with it?: Yes Hair color:: Brownish? Happy with it?: Yes Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Righty / semi-Ambidextrous Your living arrangement:: Both Parents, Two Dogs, Cat, Two Horses, Brother, and Sister. Your family:: Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister at boarding school Have any pets?: 2 horses, 2 cats, and a dog. Whats your job?: Uh...http://www.sf-ds.com Piercings?: None Tattoos?: None Obsessions?: History, Debate, Fencing, Philosophy Addictions?: None Do you speak another language?: A Good Amount of German. Have a favorite quote?: Yes. Do you have a webpage?: http://www.stephenisgod.com, http://www.sf-ds.com Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it Do you live in the moment?: No :-/ Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: No Do you have any secrets?: Yes. Do you hate yourself?: No Do you like your handwriting?: Yes Do you have any bad habits?: No What is the compliment you get from most people?: N/A (Intelligence maybe?) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: “Stephen” What's your biggest fear?: Dying before achieving immortality Can you sing?: No Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No Are you a loner?: Yes What are your #1 priorities in life?: Greatness If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yes Are you a daredevil?: Once in a great while. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: None to speak of. Are you passive or agressive?: Passive? Aggressive? Passive-Aggressive? Do you have a journal?: Yes What is your greatest strength and weakness?: N/A If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Arrogance Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: There is one thing, summer, scariest moment in my life, other than that – no. Do you think life has been good so far?: Yes What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: “If someone can take advantage of you - they will” What do you like the most about your body?: My tallness And least?: My Acne Do you think you are good looking?: I have no judgment. Are you confident?: Yes What is the fictional character you are most like?: Francisco (Atlas Shrugged) Are you perceived wrongly?: Yes Do You... Smoke?: No Do drugs?: no Read the newspaper?: I read the Duke report. Pray?: Yes Go to church?: Not often enough Talk to strangers who IM you?: Yes Sleep with stuffed animals?: No Take walks in the rain?: Yes Talk to people even though you hate them?: Yes Drive?: Ya Like to drive fast?: Yes Would or Have You Ever? Liked your voice?: Yes I love it. Hurt yourself?: No Been out of the country?: Yes Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes Been in love?: Yes Done drugs?: No Gone skinny dipping?: No Had a medical emergency?: Yes Had surgery?: Yes Ran away from home?: Yes when I was 8 for 10 minutes, got hungry and came back Played strip poker?: No Gotten beaten up?: Yes Beaten someone up?: Yes Been picked on?: Yes Been on stage?: Yes Slept outdoors?: Yes Thought about suicide?: a couple of times in 7th grade Pulled an all nighter?: Yes If yes, what is your record?: 3-9 days Gone one day without food?: Yes Talked on the phone all night?: Yes Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Yea Slept all day?: Yes Killed someone?: No Made out with a stranger?: No Had sex with a stranger?: No Thought you're going crazy?: Yes Kissed the same sex?: No… Done anything sexual with the same sex?: No o_0 Been betrayed?: Yes Had a dream that came true?: Yes Broken the law?: Yes Met a famous person? Yes Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Yes On purpose?: Yes Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: Yes Stolen anything?: Yes Been on radio/tv?: Yes Been in a mosh-pit?: Yes Had a nervous breakdown?: No Bungee jumped?: Yes Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes! Beliefs Belive in life on other planets?: Yes Miracles?: No Astrology?: No Magic?: No God?: Yes Satan?:Yes Santa?: No Ghosts?: No Luck?: Yes Love at first sight?: No (It's called Infatuation) Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Yes Witches?: No Easter bunny? No Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes Believe there’s a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: No Do you wish on stars?: No Deep Theological Questions Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: Yes Do you think God has a gender?: No as he is God, but he definitly has more male qualities.... Do you believe in organized religion?: no. Where do you think we go when we die?: Heaven or Hell Friends Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Not that I’m aware of. Who is your best friend?: Kevin or Chelsea Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Taylor? Jesse in some ways? What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: “If someone gains even a little from betraying you, they probably will. Your favourite inside joke?: ‘Quack!' Thing you're picked on most about?: Don’t know Who's your longest known friend?: Kevin Newest?: Chelsea Shyest?: It wouldn't be good to put him here. Funniest?: Kevin Sweetest?: N/A Closest?: Chelsea, Kav, or Jesse Weirdest?: Chris Smartest?: N/A Ditziest?: None Friends you miss being close to the most?: Jesse, Chelsea Last person you talked to online?: Chelsea Who do you talk to most online?: Chelsea, Jesse, Melissa, GIR, Terren Who are you on the phone with most?: Chelsea Who do you trust most?: Jesse Who listens to your problems?: Jesse, Remsez Who do you fight most with?: Taylor Who's the nicest?: Lydia Who's the most outgoing?: None Who's the best singer?: Lydia Who's on your shit-list?: Abin, Sergey, Robert, … Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: Indeedy dee Who's your second family?: None Do you always feel understood?: No Who's the loudest friend?: None Do you trust others easily?: No Who's house were you last at?: Kevin Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: Pah Do your friends know you?: Sure Friend that lives farthest away: Petey Love and All That Do you consider love a mistake?: No What do you find romantic?: I can’t describe it. Turn-on?: Hair, Smell, face, intelligence Turn-off?: Ignorance, Fatness, ugliness First kiss?: Kathryn If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you feel?: Uh, the only time this has ever happened she was a drop dead 9.5 so I'm sure about normally. Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them: Sure Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out: Yes Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: Not really Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: I don’t know What is best about the opposite sex?: “The Opposite Sex” is far to general. What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: Shit where do I start, "Where love and Hate isn't the game, women are poor players.", "Women think with their heart and not their head.", PMS What's the last present someone gave you?: Uh Phillis Wheatley Are you in love?: Ya Do you consider your significant other hot?: Yes Who Was the Last Person... That haunted you?: None You wanted to kill?: My business That you laughed at?: Robert That laughed at you?: Kevin That turned you on?: Chelsea You went shopping with?: Self That broke your heart?: Chelly To disappoint you?: Chelly To ask you out?: N/A To make you cry?: N/A To brighten up your day?: Chelsea That you thought about?: Chelsea You saw a movie with?: Matt, Quinn, Norman, Me. You talked to on the phone?: Chelsea You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Kav You saw?: Taylor You lost?: NA Right This Moment... Are you going out?: Yes Will it be with your significant other?: Yes. Or some random person?: No What are you wearing right now?: … Body part you're touching right now:: N/A What are you worried about right now?: N/A What book are you reading?: Java II For Dummies What's on your mousepad?: I have a ball mouse Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Satisifed, Doubtful, Happy, Loving? Numb? Are you bored?: Not at the moment Are you tired?: No Are you talking to anyone online?: Uh...I'm talking to them, they aren't doing a lot of talking Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No Are you lonely or content?: Horribly Lonely Are you listening to music?: Taylor's Rachmaninoff peice (sp0 (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 11th, 2005
8:52 pm	She Leaves Chelsea has left for a week. I hate my paranoia sometimes, I know she is trustworthy in everyway imaginable, and I trust her with everything I am. But that doesn't pervent the fears - will she come back and everything will be different? Will something happen and suddenly everything we have goes folly? - My fears: Wrong? Probably. Irrational? Definitly. I love Chelsea so so much, there is nothing more important than her right now. Today's post is going to be relativly long: The first thing that must be mentioned is Chelsea's house as a whole (I'm sure I'll randomly come back to it), it was so much fun, I was in such a great mood until the endish when my head hurt, but then we went outside right before and I couldn't help but think that I'll never feel more strongly for someone then I did I that moment. Then of course there is my beliefs and the effects of those on Chelsea's mom. Havbe you ever had someone judge you based off what they believe that you believe? For example, with my entire White Nationalism deal. I am quite tired of being judged as a Nazi, slave owner, Media KKK Leader, and the like; being judged by a blind, deaf, dumb, and biased jury is never enjoyable, especially when it's by the most important person in your lives mother. So for the record: Yes, I am racist I believe in inherent differences between the races. I believe each race should be seperated and have racial self-determination. But I love Chelsea. Love :) Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Friday, June 10th, 2005
11:55 pm	Chelsea's House! They need to invent a machine that can express people's feelings for them - I can't express how happy I am alone. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
2:46 pm	Ding! What the fuck is wrong with me? From huge highs to unbelievable lows - yep that's me, Stephen. Taylor is on the paino - yes again, playing the same God damned song again, and again. And again. Yesterday they sent me into a level of pissed off I have not been in for a long time >_>. How does Chelsea do it though? So so angry, but then a glance - a word, and I'm happier than I've ever been before, everyday there is something to look forward to just knowing that she's there and that there is someone who loves me. Last day of school today - my feelings? Unphased, I'm hoping the summer is good. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 27th, 2005
7:02 pm	Another Beautiful Update So, today is Friday, we had school off, Chelsea came over, Zac was over, Al is still here. My headache's are back. I won't dwell on that last fact, just thought it deserved honorable mention. ----- I look at her, and I know, that in a word, a breath, she could crush me. Utterly obliterate everything I am. And I shiver, I worry. But then I take her in, and know, she'd never, ever, do that, unless I truly deserved it. So I calm, and am once again capable of the joy she has given me. What have I done to deserve her!? Unbelievable; amazing. I want to hold her and never let her go. So caring, so perfect, Love. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
8:52 pm	Chelsea (Again) So this week was not bad. I could tell something was up Monday - and all I could think of doing was comforting her, so I asked her if I could hold her - which looking back she probably interpreted that weird - oh well! I love her as much as ever, the headache has gone for now - thank God. Perhaps I say it to often, but it's true, I love her, and when I look at her, it's the only thing I can feel. I realized this week, everything isn't always going to be perfect, that we'll have bumps every now and then, but that these moments are what will remind me how perfect she is and how lucky I am. I think I can finally put everything behind me, now, I just feel pure happiness. Ich Leibe sie. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 19th, 2005
5:04 pm	Chelly This month has been perfect. Chelsea is perfect. I wasn't sure at first, could it just be a brief liking? Will we hate each other in a week? I was doubtful and fearful. No longer. I had long given up hope of finding someone I could trust with anything, but then she came. When we are together, talking, laughing, "Cuddling", hugging, kissing - it doesn't matter I'm always happy around her. We were together and despite everything that has been happening, my head, my neck, I felt completely free and able to feel joy. During the summer when everything happened it felt so...dreamy, so surreal, that at any moment I might wake up from the nightmare to find that I have simply been sleeping, that it's all fake and there is nothing to worry about. That is how it is with Chelsea, accept in a good way. I look into her beautiful brown eyes and say a silent prayer that this is real and not a dream. She seems to be afraid that she can't comfort me with our entire fear about my neck / head, what she does not realize is that everything about her is comforting, that she shows any concern about my health is in and of itself enough for me. Ich Leibe Chelsea. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 7th, 2005
3:25 pm	An Update on My Life Chelsea is perfect in everything. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's convinced that I'm funny! She even shares the same fears as I (albeit, it's a common fear). Last night (Friday) I had dinner at Chelsea's Dad's appartment, afterwrads we wrote notes in her notebook, she had the chance to find out about this summer and she didn't take it - I love her all the more for that. I'm crazy for her. We sit and talk - and all I want is to hold her to whisper, "I love you." For the first time in forever I am truly happy. Thank you Chelsea. I love you. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
10:25 am	Update What is your name?: Stephen David Andrews Named after anyone?: Middle name is my dads name What's your screename?: Zhencina Would you name a child of yours after you?: Absolutly If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Olivian If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: N/A Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Stefan and Steven Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: No Basics Your gender:: Male Straight/Gay/Bi:: Straight Single?: Yes and No If not, do you want to be?: No Birthdate:: 02/25/90 Your age:: 15 Age you act:: 15 or 18 or 8 Age you wish you were:: 21 (Or for some people 16) Your height:: 6’3” Eye color:: Aqua Happy with it?: Yes Hair color:: Brownish? Happy with it?: Yes Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Righty / semi-Ambidextrous Your living arrangement:: Both Parents 6K Sq. Foot house Your family:: Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister at boarding school Have any pets?: 2 horses, 2 cats, and a dog. Whats your job?: I help Asst. Coach once in a while over the summer I’ll work for Snap-On Piercings?: None Tattoos?: None Obsessions?: History, Debate, Fencing, Philosophy Addictions?: None Do you speak another language?: A Good Amount of German. Have a favorite quote?: Yes. Do you have a webpage?: http://www.stephenisgod.com, http://www.sf-ds.com, (maybe) http://www.sqrpg.com Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it Do you live in the moment?: No :-/ Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: No Do you have any secrets?: Yes. Do you hate yourself?: No Do you like your handwriting?: Yes Do you have any bad habits?: No What is the compliment you get from most people?: N/A (Intelligence maybe?) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: “Stephen” What's your biggest fear?: Dying before achieving immortality Can you sing?: No Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No Are you a loner?: Yes What are your #1 priorities in life?: Leibe If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yes Are you a daredevil?: Once in a great while. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: None to speak of. Are you passive or agressive?: Aggressive Do you have a journal?: Yes What is your greatest strength and weakness?: N/A If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Arrogance Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: There is one thing, summer, scariest moment in my life, other than that – no. Do you think life has been good so far?: Yes What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: “If someone can take advantage of you - they will” What do you like the most about your body?: My tallness And least?: My Acne Do you think you are good looking?: I have no judgment. Are you confident?: Yes What is the fictional character you are most like?: Francisco (Atlas Shrugged) Are you perceived wrongly?: Yes Do You... Smoke?: No Do drugs?: no Read the newspaper?: I read the Duke report. Pray?: Yes Go to church?: Not often enough Talk to strangers who IM you?: Yes Sleep with stuffed animals?: No Take walks in the rain?: Yes Talk to people even though you hate them?: Yes Drive?: Ya Like to drive fast?: Yes Would or Have You Ever? Liked your voice?: Yes I love it. Hurt yourself?: No Been out of the country?: Yes Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes Been in love?: Yes Done drugs?: No Gone skinny dipping?: No Had a medical emergency?: Yes Had surgery?: Yes Ran away from home?: Yes when I was 8 for 10 minutes, got hungry and came back Played strip poker?: No Gotten beaten up?: Yes Beaten someone up?: Yes Been picked on?: Yes Been on stage?: Yes Slept outdoors?: Yes Thought about suicide?: a couple of times in 7th grade Pulled an all nighter?: Yes If yes, what is your record?: 3-9 days Gone one day without food?: Yes Talked on the phone all night?: Yes Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Yea Slept all day?: Yes Killed someone?: No Made out with a stranger?: No Had sex with a stranger?: No Thought you're going crazy?: Yes Kissed the same sex?: No… Done anything sexual with the same sex?: No o_0 Been betrayed?: Yes Had a dream that came true?: Yes Broken the law?: Yes Met a famous person? Yes Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Yes On purpose?: Yes Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: Yes Stolen anything?: Yes Been on radio/tv?: Yes Been in a mosh-pit?: Yes Had a nervous breakdown?: No Bungee jumped?: Yes Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes! Beliefs Belive in life on other planets?: Yes Miracles?: No Astrology?: No (Well, Chelsea is attempting to convert me, so they may change) Magic?: No God?: Yes Satan?:Yes Santa?: No Ghosts?: No Luck?: Yes Love at first sight?: Yes Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Yes Witches?: No Easter bunny? No Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes Believe there’s a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: No Do you wish on stars?: No Deep Theological Questions Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: No Do you think God has a gender?: No Do you believe in organized religion?: The opinions I hold on this are extreme, but simply put – no. Where do you think we go when we die?: I don’t know. Friends Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Not that I’m aware of. Who is your best friend?: Kevin or Chelsea Who's the one person that knows most about you?: N/A What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: “No one likes to hear about your bad day” Your favourite inside joke?: ‘Giraffe Noise!’ Naturally. Thing you're picked on most about?: Don’t know Who's your longest known friend?: Kevin Newest?: Chelsea Shyest?: Kav Funniest?: Kevin Sweetest?: N/A Closest?: Chelsea, Kav, or Jesse Weirdest?: Chris Smartest?: N/A Ditziest?: None Friends you miss being close to the most?: Jesse, Chelsea Last person you talked to online?: Kav Who do you talk to most online?: Chelsea or Dante (AKA: Jesse) Who are you on the phone with most?: None Who do you trust most?: Chelsea Who listens to your problems?: Who do you fight most with?: Taylor Who's the nicest?: Lydia Who's the most outgoing?: None Who's the best singer?: Lydia Who's on your shit-list?: Abin, Sergey, Robert, … Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: o_0 No. Who's your second family?: None Do you always feel understood?: No Who's the loudest friend?: None Do you trust others easily?: No Who's house were you last at?: Chelsea’s – Birthday Party Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: Not telling ;) Do your friends know you?: Sure Friend that lives farthest away: Petey Love and All That Do you consider love a mistake?: No What do you find romantic?: I can’t describe it. Turn-on?: Hair, Smell, face, intelligence Turn-off?: Ignorance, Fatness, ugliness First kiss?: Kathryn If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you feel?: I don’t think this has ever happened. Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them: Sure Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out: Yes Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: Not really Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: I don’t know What is best about the opposite sex?: “The Opposite Sex” is far to general. What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: >_< PMS What's the last present someone gave you?: Dog Are you in love?: Ya Do you consider your significant other hot?: Yes Who Was the Last Person... That haunted you?: None You wanted to kill?: My business That you laughed at?: Robert That laughed at you?: Kevin That turned you on?: … You went shopping with?: My Sister… That broke your heart?: … To disappoint you?: To ask you out?: N/A To make you cry?: To brighten up your day?: Chelsea That you thought about?: Chelsea You saw a movie with?: Mary, Kathryn, Robert, Stephen. You talked to on the phone?: Chelsea You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Kav You saw?: Dad You lost?: I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it. Right This Moment... Are you going out?: No Will it be with your significant other?: I have my doubts. Or some random person?: No What are you wearing right now?: … Body part you're touching right now:: N/A What are you worried about right now?: Chelsea What book are you reading?: “The Bell Curve” What's on your mousepad?: I have a ball mouse Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Satisifed, Doubtful, Happy, Loving? Numb? Are you bored?: Not at the moment Are you tired?: No Are you talking to anyone online?: No Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No Are you lonely or content?: Content. Are you listening to music?: No Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Friday, April 22nd, 2005
6:45 pm	Chelsea Hello there, I have to say, this past week has been undoubtably amongst the greatest of my life! Chelsea, is perfect. There are no words to describe her other than that. It is trully amazing is it not, that after merely a week I can be quiet crazy for her? The way she laughs, smiles, her intelligence, her beautiful brown eyes! There is no other words to describe her. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
10:24 am	This Journal Is Likely To Become Friends Only Stephen: Here Are The Sources If You Need Them Again: 1) http://www.ferris.edu/isar/archives/mehler/reason.htm (note the ".edu") R. Ruggles Gates M.A., Ph.D., D.Sc., LL.D., F.R.S. Henry E. Garrett Ph.D., D.Sc R. Gayre of Gayre, M.A., D.Phil., D.Pol.Sc., D.Sci Wesley C. George, M.A., Ph.D Glayde Whitney- A psychology professor at Florida State University and the past president of the Behavior Genetics Association. 1994 The Bell Curve: Intelligence and Class Structure in American Life by Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles Murray 1995 Race, Evolution, and Behavior J. Philippe Rushton And then the following facts providence courtesty of: http://www.as.ua.edu/ant/bindon/ant275/presentations/RaceandIQ.pdf (note the .edu) Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Meet Virgina (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 12th, 2005
10:34 am	Update Notice: If you don't like what I post, you're welcomed to quit reading. Mary: I have an update on Kevin - but...Suprise! You'll never find out :) Kathryn: Please discountinue reading my journal. Everyone Else: Enjoy :) To all of you who are for Multi-Culturalism: [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a href:"http://www.stormfront.org/whitenat/racism.htm">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Notice: If you don't like what I post, you're welcomed to quit reading. Mary: I have an update on Kevin - but...Suprise! You'll never find out :) Kathryn: Please discountinue reading my journal. Everyone Else: Enjoy :) To all of you who are for Multi-Culturalism: <a href:"http://www.stormfront.org/whitenat/racism.htm"> Click Here With an Open Mind</a> So how is everyone today? These last couple of days have been absolutely fantastic. For once, I do not say this sarcastically. Happy birthday Tim. Everyone else :) Post your comments below. Current Mood: White and Proud (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 4th, 2005
8:48 pm	New Profile What is your name?: Stephen David Andrews ou named after anyone?: Middle name is my dads name What's your screename?: Zhencina Would you name a child of yours after you?: Absolutly f you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Olivian If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: Alrain Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Stefan and Steven Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: No Basics Your gender:: Male Straight/Gay/Bi:: Straight Single?: Not as I write this If not, do you want to be?: No Birthdate:: 02/25/90 Your age:: 15 Age you act:: 15 or 18 Age you wish you were:: 21 Your height:: 6’3” Eye color:: Blue Happy with it?: Yes Hair color:: Brownish? Happy with it?: Yes Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Ambidextrous Your living arrangement:: Both Parents 6K Sq. Foot house Your family:: Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister at boarding school Have any pets?: 3 horses, 2 cats, and a dog. Whats your job?: I help Asst. Coach once in a while Piercings?: None Tattoos?: None Obsessions?: History, Debate, Fencing, Philosophy Addictions?: None Do you speak another language?: Small amounts of French, extremely small amounts of Russian, and a good amount of German. Have a favorite quote?: Yes, “If you experience reverses, always remember these three things: Union of Forces, Activity, and a Firm Resolve to Die with Glory. To die is Nothing but to live, vanquished and without glory is to die everyday.” -Napoleon Do you have a webpage?: http://www.stephenisgod.com, http://www.sf-ds.com, (maybe) http://www.sqrpg.com Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it Do you live in the moment?: Sometimes, often, I try to correlate today’s actions with tomorrow. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: No Do you have any secrets?: Yes. Do you hate yourself?: No Do you like your handwriting?: Yes Do you have any bad habits?: No What is the compliment you get from most people?: I don’t know; sorry. If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: “Stephen: The Story of a Proud White” What's your biggest fear?: Dying before achieving immortality Can you sing?: No Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No Are you a loner?: Yes What are your #1 priorities in life?: Myself If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yes Are you a daredevil?: Once in a great while. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: None to speak of. Are you passive or agressive?: Aggressive Do you have a journal?: Yes What is your greatest strength and weakness?: I don’t know; sorry. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Arrogance Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: No, I only know the results of the choices I have made this far, if I chose something else then how do I know that wouldn’t just make my life worse? Do you think life has been good so far?: Yes What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: “If someone can take advantage of you - they will” What do you like the most about your body?: My tallness And least?: My Acne Do you think you are good looking?: I have no judgment. Are you confident?: Yes What is the fictional character you are most like?: Francisco (Atlas Shrugged) Are you perceived wrongly?: Yes Do You... Smoke?: No Do drugs?: no Read the newspaper?: I read the Duke report. Pray?: Yes Go to church?: Not often enough Talk to strangers who IM you?: Yes Sleep with stuffed animals?: No Take walks in the rain?: Yes Talk to people even though you hate them?: Yes Drive?: Ya Like to drive fast?: Yes Would or Have You Ever? Liked your voice?: Yes I love it. Hurt yourself?: No Been out of the country?: Yes Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes Been in love?: I couldn’t tell you. Done drugs?: NoGone skinny dipping?: No Had a medical emergency?: Yes Had surgery?: Yes Ran away from home?: Yes when I was 8 for 10 minutes, got hungry and came back Played strip poker?: No Gotten beaten up?: Yes Beaten someone up?: Yes Been picked on?: Yes Been on stage?: Yes Slept outdoors?: Yes, over 100 nights total Thought about suicide?: a couple of times in 7th grade Pulled an all nighter?: Yes If yes, what is your record?: 9 days Gone one day without food?: Yes Talked on the phone all night?: Yes Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Yea Slept all day?: Yes Killed someone?: No Made out with a stranger?: No Had sex with a stranger?: No Thought you're going crazy?: Yes Kissed the same sex?: No… Done anything sexual with the same sex?: No o_0 Been betrayed?: Regretfully Had a dream that came true?: Yes Broken the law?: Yes Met a famous person? Yes Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Yes On purpose?: Yes Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: Yes Stolen anything?: Yes Been on radio/tv?: Yes Been in a mosh-pit?: Yes Had a nervous breakdown?: No Bungee jumped?: Once Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes! Beliefs Belive in life on other planets?: Yes Miracles?: No Astrology?: No Magic?: No God?: Yes Satan?:Yes Santa?: No Ghosts?: No Luck?: Yes Love at first sight?: YesYin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Yes Witches?: No Easter bunny? Yes Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes Believe there’s a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: No Do you wish on stars?: No Deep Theological Questions Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: No Do you think God has a gender?: No Do you believe in organized religion?: This question I’ll take a speck of time to answer. No, I don’t believe in certain organized religion, because it then abandons its religious aspects and assumes the cloak of a power struggle. Furthermore, to much organized religion leads to Supremacy (Jewish). Where do you think we go when we die?: I think we face ultimate judgment. Friends Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: No Who is your best friend?: Kevin Who's the one person that knows most about you?: No one; sorry What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: “No one likes to hear about your bad day” Your favourite inside joke?: ‘this is bad this is bad this is bad’ Thing you're picked on most about?: Don’t know Who's your longest known friend?: No one Newest?: Mary Shyest?: None Funniest?: Kevin Sweetest?: Mary Closest?: None Weirdest?: Chris Smartest?: None Ditziest?: None Friends you miss being close to the most?: None Last person you talked to online?: Etthack Who do you talk to most online?: Dante Who are you on the phone with most?: None Who do you trust most?: None Who listens to your problems?: Mary, Maddi Who do you fight most with?: Taylor Who's the nicest?: Lydia Who's the most outgoing?: None Who's the best singer?: Lydia Who's on your shit-list?: Abin, Sergey, most of the school…. Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: o_0 not a male friend…. Other than that it’s none of your god damned business Who's your second family?: None Do you always feel understood?: No Who's the loudest friend?: None Do you trust others easily?: No Who's house were you last at?: HuntersName one person who's arms you feel safe in: Am I allowed to keep this information private? Do your friends know you?: My friends no me well, my friends do not know my belief system. Friend that lives farthest away: Petey Love and All That Do you consider love a mistake?: Regretfully yes What do you find romantic?: Privacy Turn-on?: Hair, Smell, face Turn-off?: Ignorance, Fatness, ugliness First kiss?: Kathryn If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: I don’t think this has ever happened. Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: Sure Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: Yes Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv: Not really, a bit Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: I don’t know What is best about the opposite sex?: “The Opposite Sex” is far to general. What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: Their Period What's the last present someone gave you?: Dog Are you in love?: No Do you consider your significant other hot?: Yes Who Was the Last Person... That haunted you?: None You wanted to kill?: My business That you laughed at?: Robert That laughed at you?: Kevin That turned you on?: K-A-T-H-R-Y-N ? You went shopping with?: My Sister… That broke your heart?: Kathryn To disappoint you?: Jaimie To ask you out?: N/A To make you cry?: Haven’t cried for a long time.... To brighten up your day?: Mr. Reiman That you thought about?: Chelse You saw a movie with?: Mary and Kevin You talked to on the phone?: Hunter You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Etthack You saw?: Dad You lost?: I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it. Right This Moment... Are you going out?: Yes Will it be with your significant other?: I have my doubts. Or some random person?: No What are you wearing right now?: Jeans, Long Sleave Shirt with brown, white, and orange, white socks, boxers. Body part you're touching right now:: Palm is resting on my stomach as I type this. What are you worried about right now?: Death What book are you reading?: Boethius: The Consolations of PhilosophyWhat's on your mousepad?: I have a ball mouse Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Satisifed, Doubtful, Happy, Loving? Numb? Are you bored?: Not at the moment Are you tired?: Yes Are you talking to anyone online?: Yes Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No Are you lonely or content?: Content mostly, wish people would give a fuck about what I do Are you listening to music?: Yes Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Eminen - Lose Yourself (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
9:54 pm	Mein Eins For anyone who cares, this is Stephen Andrews new Journal. Why hello there, it's been a long time since my last post in my former journal - a long year at that - I'm happy to be posting once again. A breif run down of my year: 1) I do debate and Pentathlon. This year, yes, this school year ('04-'05) has been interesting, German is alright, I enjoy it, I passed the first couple of years of Social Studies, that's alright. My year started boringly, it started with me doing shit for the first few weeks except getting situtation, it was awful knowing everyone I hung out with last year (Kathryn - Brittany) hated me. I lived with that though, a short time later, a couple months roughly, Junior Olympic qualifiers where just around the corner, roughly the same time I find out the great news - I have a tumor. So I go in for surgery, and after several weeks of worrying to death I am relieved to find out that there was no cancer. I begin going to church every week. However, due to the mental stress of the surgery bit, along with some unlucky drawings I don't qualify for JO's :(. I advance myself in debate, and soon become in the lead for Freshman with the highest poitn standing. Somewhat proud of myself - but the invariaing thought is that I have nothing to be proud of, that I am just lucky. Skipping ahead, past the girlfriends I had and into present day, Kathryn and I talk slightly and we agree to meet at the theater. Kathryn stands me up. Going also along with other history this year, we had a foreign exchange student - Nadim Abducove, from the Russian Federation. He was cool, we disagreed on many thing politicly, it was apparent to me he was obviously from an LDC (Less Developed Country) as his ideals were centeral to anarcy which is him rebeling against what's left of the communist system in Russia - he has to go back to russia because he's a shitty student. Well there was the negative bit - now onto the positive. I love German, besides English it is probably the best living language on Earth. French? Spanish? Russian! Please those languages can goto hell, German beats them all. I pass the first couple of years of Social Studies - in my opinion not because I am intelligent but because the rest of the school is retarded at Social Studies. Maths a bitch but screw it, who cares? Debate is awesome, it's obviouse G-J (Teacher) hates me, for whatever reason I don't know, I can only assume it is because I soly am the most arrogant person alive. I like her a bit, we can get along. Debate itself - I have my off and on days and topics; this is, some days I can just be smoking, blow everything and everyone away. Other days...not so much. It's one of the few things this year I've really cherished I love arguing - it must be in my gene spiral. I've done some thorough research on anti-white / anti-American -ism in the US of A and have come to believe certain things that many consider revolutionary. Enough about that though. Kathryn stood me up I"ve said - well that's fine and good, God knows with what I did to her last year with the dance I desrved it. We're dead even now, Zwei days ago the dance at Grandview (18-02-2005) occured, I had an awesome time - dancing for me needs some work, but I got Kevin to dance with Mary and that was grand, it actually made me feel good. Here's the best part though - Kathryn and I are back together again! I'll dedicate from here on out to the analysis of this. With her, despite various problems towards the end of our 'Relationship' so to speak, I actually felt really good with her, I realize I called her far to much last year, and that won't happen again. I just feel like a better person around her - perhaps this is a stupid thing to say but it's true. Looking ahead towards my future with Kathryn I have one fear alone - her Family. They hate me. It is perhaps somewhat ironic that they don't know anything about me except that which is told to them by biased sources...oh well. Tschus, Stephen Andrewws PS: Notes to Self: Uses For Journal Brain Storm: 1. Journal Entries when experiancing something I consider important. 2. Speeches. 3. Quotes. If you see a '<' '>' with "Tab" between them, than is simply for PHP not HTML. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: My Computer (Comment on this)